If I’ve learnt anything about life, it’s this: always play the hand you’re dealt. My name is Gambit… and I play for keeps.
Hi kids! My real name is Remy LeBeau and when I’m not playing poker, tossing energized cards around with hilarious consequences, and woo-ing the ladies, I lie awake at night worrying about the Zombie Apocalypse.
Don’t call me paranoid, man. Billy, I know you’re about to call me paranoid, but I gotta say it, brother – how can I be paranoid if the paranoid motherfuckers who are making me paranoid are really out there?
Seriously though, it seems the Zombie Apocalypse isn’t as far-fetched as one might think.
The U.S. Army has deemed it necessary to put together a nifty manual on how to identify, fight, and kill those murderous mobs of the undead.
I find it disconcerting that this document has been out since December 2010 and the mainstream media hasn’t jumped on it. It is approved for public release, so I urge you to get your hands on one as quick as you can.
This manual is intended for trained soldiers, but I think you’ll find there is something in it for all of us. Educating oneself is the first step toward survival. It’s no use flipping through the manual as the zombies shuffle toward you…
“Hmm, would these be the recently reanimated or the active zombie? Where was that chapter on identifyiaaahhhhhhhHHHH!!!”
Some of the advice may seem counter-intuitive, such as avoiding islands, if possible. Apparently zombies will just walk under water and emerge on the other side, leaving you with very limited options for running and hiding. Roof tops, very steep mountains or large trees are ideal defensive points in urban settings.
I’m working on a civilian survival plan at the moment, but in the meantime, feel free to hit me up with your survival queries. The Zombie Apocalypse might be just around the corner. But it helps me sleep at night knowing braver men than I are thinking ahead.